Why I’m Not Telling You About My Wedding

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My wedding is 123 days away.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about how I could possibly describe in words the experience that is wedding planning.

I love planning my wedding. I have been officially planning my wedding for 339 days and unofficially planning it my whole life. I couldn’t wait to do all the wedding things and then write about it. I thought that I would document every little detail and write witty stories about how going to the bridal salon was actually exactly like Kleinfeld’s on TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress. I thought I would do all the research on wedding photographers, meet with a bunch of them, ask them all the questions, and then write up a list of everything I learned about how to hire the best one. I thought I would give the step by step instructions for my DIY centerpieces complete with pictures and asides about the mistakes I made so that you don’t make them when it’s your turn. Yes, I actually thought this hard about it.

But then the real wedding planning began. And you know what? I didn’t want to tell everyone all the details. 

I told a few people some of my ideas, I told some family my plans in the hopes that they would help relieve the stress of DIY disasters. But I found that I kept changing my mind. Like, a million times. I’ve probably had 10 solid ideas about centerpieces and now I’ve pinned so many things on that board that I’ll never find the ones I really want. (Pinterest reference, by the way.) I’ve debated what favors to give out, whether we would even give them out at the seats or have people come find them at a table (cookie table, anyone?). I’ve dreamed big and thought I could do all the decorations ever and then I’ve reined it in and scrapped almost all the decorations.

I can’t make up my mind. It’s all so wonderful and lovely and beautiful, and I just want it all. That’s what everyone wants thought, right? A wedding where they can literally have it all.


So my thoughts about telling everyone all the stories dissipated as I realized that if I wrote any of it down, it might not be true in a week. Take that back. A day. There were too many decisions to make. You don’t even realize all the decisions until you are looking at that neat little Checklist that’s provided for you on The Knot, meant to make your life easier and more organized but instead causing heart palpitations at the sight of all that’s left to do in just 249 days (!!).

Those days passed. I made the decisions. I’m organized and happy with the choices I’ve made so far. Somehow that list is still only 61% complete, but it seems more manageable now.

So now I’m getting to the fun part. The details, the decorations, confirming with the vendors, making the second and third payments to the photographer… Well that’s not that fun, but everything else is awesome because I feel like I can finally see it all coming together. I mean, there’s tulle and ribbon arriving at my door, it’s amazing.

I’m getting more and more excited, but I still don’t want to announce all my plans to every single person.

I realized that if I tell people my decisions that I’m opening up the floor for their opinions or their misconceptions or their own ideas. If I tell people my plans then I’m giving away that little piece of wedding planning that I love – the idea that it’s our party that Jim and I are planning together, exactly the way we want it to be. And we want it to be a little bit of a surprise. I don’t want all our guests showing up with all these preconceived notions of how exactly that DIY centerpiece was supposed turn out based on my anecdotal blog about the mishaps. I don’t want them to know the thought process behind every detail and then wonder why I settled on this final result. I especially wouldn’t want to be talking up my big ideas for months and then have them realize it’s quite a letdown from their expectations. I just want them to just come, to be amazed, to enjoy themselves, to drink and eat and dance and drink some more.

At the end of the day it won’t matter whether I had matching signs for each section of the cocktail hour, indicating drinks are here and guest book is there and these are your dancing shoes, and we’re all family once the knot is tied! All that will matter is that we have a great party and we are celebrating love.

I hope to tell you all the stories after the wedding. All the fun and stress and decisions and tears and laughter. And then you will laugh because you will already know that it turned out wonderful. Fingers crossed.


One thought on “Why I’m Not Telling You About My Wedding

  1. Pingback: New Start | Measure with Coffee Spoons

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